we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
