I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
