2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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