wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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