I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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