i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize