ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
