I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
