Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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