You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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