Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
