i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize