Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
