If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
