your room smells of hookers.
And success
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
