i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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