I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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