and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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