i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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