I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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