So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
