she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
