I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
