I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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