i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
