just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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