it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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