How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
