just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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