you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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