K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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