You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
