we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
