Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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