she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So vagazzling was a success
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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