i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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