thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
