So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
