Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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