Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
