Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
