Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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