On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
