You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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