Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
