Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
