Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I only lived at night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
