just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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