somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
