My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
