Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
