Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
