Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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