yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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