i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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