when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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