Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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