Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
