It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
