Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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