It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize