y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
