plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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