2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize