Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
