We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
