Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
