Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize