You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
