he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
