Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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