Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
