i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
