he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
