Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
