he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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