I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
