Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
