I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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