Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
