Your tits are I can't wait for
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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