I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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