My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
