Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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