nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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