we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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