Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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