$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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