you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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