Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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