I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
