This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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