the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
