man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
