VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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