I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
