we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
