Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
