I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dick has a subreddit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
