Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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