i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
