I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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