Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
