census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
