I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize