finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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