At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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