Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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