she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
